I'm not famous. But--
- Your time has come! - Did Russell call?
- Deflower. - Opie must die.
- Pants him, girls. - Stop. We're talking.
Opie must die.
- Okay. - No, come on!
No, come on, please. Guys, come on, I have to write.
Baby, yes.
Come on, Penny, join us.
Take a vacation from yourself. Leave this up to professionals.
Don't worry, William.
I've seen the future, and this all works out reasonably well.
Reasonably?
Hello?
Hello. This is Ben Fong-Torres calling from Rolling Stone.
Hi, Ben Fong-Torres from Rolling Stone.
Hello, hello.
- You have such a sexy voice. - Hello, Ben.
William Miller, this is your editor from Rolling Stone. How's the story?
I'm getting good stuff out here.
- Yeah, it sounds like it. - Man, I need some--
Now listen. Get it together, man.
We're both professionals here, okay? I don't need to tell you this.
You're not out there to join the party. We already have one Hunter Thompson.
You're out there to interview and report. You got me?
Now, this isn't Creem magazine. This is Rolling Stone.
We need this story in four days. Now I wanna know how it's shaping up.
It's a think-piece about a mid-level band...
struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom.
That's great.
I like what we're saying.
Let me try and get you a thousand more words.
Now, it's in consideration for the cover...
but don't tell the band.
The cover of Rolling Stone magazine. Crazy.
Some coffee.
Me too. Greenville is so boring.
You know, any other city in the world...
and you'd still be a virgin.
- Oh, God. Oh, God. - What?
I've never written anything more than a few pages in my whole life.
Don't worry, baby, you will.
I gotta find Russell. I gotta find Russell.
Oh, will you take the laundry?
Take the laundry?
What am I to you? Huh? Tell me.
Tell me right now. What am I to you?
Excuse me, sir, would you mind signing for this?
Good morning.
Please go the fuck away!
Hey, how you doing?
Hi.
Oh, my God!
Hi, welcome to Swingo's Celebrity Inn. You must be Stillwater.
It's Bowie!
Hi, Mom. I'm in Cleveland. Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I'm gonna fly back Monday morning.
No, no, no, I'll only miss one test.
I'll be back for graduation.
Tell her you’re a slave to the groove. You can’t help it.
Hey, Mom, it's Russell Hammond. I play guitar in Stillwater.
Hey, how does it feel to be the mother of the greatest...
rock journalist we've met?
Hello?
Look, you got a great kid here. There's nothing to worry about.
We're taking good care of him. You should come to the show sometime.
- Hey, listen to me, mister. -join the circus.
Your charm doesn't work on me. I'm onto you.
Oh, of course you like him.
Well, yeah.
He worships you people.
And that's fine by you as long as he helps make you rich.
- Rich? I don't think so. We sit-- - Listen to me.
He 's a smart, good-hearted 15-year-old kid...
with infinite potential.
This is not some apron-wearing mother you're speaking to.
I know about your Valhalla decadence, and I shouldn't have let him go.
He's not ready for your world of compromised values...
and diminished brain cells that you throw away like confetti.
Am I speaking to you clearly?
- Yes, ma'am. - If you break his spirit...
harm him in any way...
keep him from his chosen profession, which is law...
something you may not value, but I do...
you will meet the voice at the other end of this telephone.
And it will not be pretty. Do we understand each other?
- Uh, yes, ma'am. - I didn't ask for this role...
but I'll play it.
Now go do your best.
'' Be bold and mighty forces will come to your aid.''
Goethe said that.
It's not too late for you to become a person of substance, Russell.
Please get my son home safely.
You know, I'm glad we spoke.
Song and pong it sounds like lots of fun
Won't you get on my back for piggyback ride
Get on my back for piggyback ride
- All right, boys. - All right.
Your mom kind of freaked me out.
She means well.
From Troy, Michigan...
would you please welcome to Cleveland...
Stillwater!
Father, Father
Tell me the story tell me what to do
Doctor, Doctor
Is there a cure for the young man's broken blues
And he said
Everybody knows
Yeah, you had to be there
Girl, you had to be there
Did you see that chick's shirt in front of Russell?
When you play a great show like tonight--
Okay, I need everyone's attention, please.
Girls, I need five minutes with the band alone.
Right. Well, it seems the rumors are true.
The record company has sent a big-time manager here...
to try and talk you into replacing me.
His name is Dennis Hope. I know you've all heard of him.
He's got all the big bands, and he's outside right now...
and he wants five minutes with you.
And, well, I think we've gotta do this.
- Well, send him in. - Yeah, bring him in.
- We'll send him out on a rail! - All right.
We'll finish the interview in Maryland. You can fly home from Maryland, okay?
Hey, we've already got a manager. He's been with us from the beginning.
Respectfully. We all have our roots.
I believe in bands holding on to their roots.
Those roots need to be augmented.
Your manager here needs a manager.
Example-- if you hadn't have run out on your contract in Phoenix...
we could have sued over Russell's hand.
But you left, negating the contract, forfeiting the deposit.
You effectively traveled a long way to pay that promoter to electrocute you.
Okay, your damages have put you way in the hole for this tour.
Right now, you owe the record company more than you've got.
But your record's selling. There's money to be made.
So I brought a plane in. We could add more shows to make up the difference.
- Respectfully. - We travel by bus.
Doris is the soul of this band.
That bus has been our home since we were the Jeff Bebe band. No way.
Hey, man, I'd travel on a pogo stick if I thought we could make more money.
You could play more dates with a plane.
Well, it's not about money. It's about playing music and turning people on.
Clearly. Respectfully.
Why should we pay you for something we can do ourselves?
Do you know how to keep from getting charged...
for the ice below the floorboards at Chicago Stadium?
Do you know how to do a headlining tour?
Do you know how to get a record not pressed, but played?
You gotta take what you can, when you can, while you can...
and you gotta do it now.
That's what the big boys do.
Because if you think Mick Jagger'll still be out there...
trying to be a rock star at age 50, you're sadly, sadly mistaken.
I didn't invent the rainy day, man. I just own the best umbrella.
I'm telling you, you're coming along at a very dangerous time for rock and roll.
The war is over. They won...
and they will ruin rock and roll...
and strangle everything we love about it.
Put 'em up. All right, money down.
One guy says, '' I'll draw a picture and you guess what it is, all right?''
- Can I help you? - Is Russell Hammond here?
Hey, the Enemy! Come on in, son.
Welcome to the road manager poker party.
This game's been going on for two years. Come on, find a spot.
- This is Mick. He's with The Who. - How you doing?
This is Raymond. He's with the Eagles. This is Reg. He's with Humble Pie.
- I think you know Red Dog. - Hey, brother!
We've been developing this system of poker over the years...
- so you can play it in any condition. - Any.
- All right, I'm in. - All right, all right.
Side proposition to the winner.
For 50 bucks and a case of Heineken...
I'll throw into the pot three lovely ladies...
including Miss Penny Lane and the famous Band Aids...
who have to leave the tour before New York.
- Is that okay with you? - Russ is getting soft on us.
- Is that okay? - Okay.
- It's a deal. - Show 'em.
Three lovely ladies in the custody of Humble Pie.
- Be good to 'em, Rich. - We owe you $50 and a case of Heineken.
All right.
-joint? -You know how I know this is good stuff?
- How's that? - This is from Crosby.
- Is that the Crosby weed? - Yeah, this is from Crosby.
- Oh, I'm in. - I'm in.
Give me this. Give me a light. I want fire.
Look, nobody's feelings are getting hurt here.
She already knows that Leslie's coming to New York tomorrow.
Everybody understands.
This is the circus. Everybody's trying not to go home.
- Nobody's saying good-bye. - Would you like some?
- I may. - How many?
- Quit looking at me like that. - You think you can fool me.
I can read you. I know what you're thinking.
- What's that? - You're worried about me and Russell.
Yeah, I gotta work on that.
You're so sweet.
God, if there was more of you in him.
Don't tell me this stuff. I wanna like him.
Did you miss your test or something?
- You have no idea. - Look, I know I'm not on the plane.
I'm not going on some other band's bus.
I could go with the Stillwater road crew but that would be pathetic...
and the girls are all going with Humble Pie.
So, if you could find out from Russell--
Forget it. I'm flying to New York myself.
I've got a bunch of partial tickets. I know his ex-wife...
current-girlfriend thing is gonna be there.
I'm not sure that's a good idea.
What are you saying? Did Russell say something?
- I don't know anything. - Well, I know he wants me there.
Wake up! Don't go to New York.
- Why are you yelling at me? - I thought we were going to Morocco.
There is no Morocco. There's never been a Morocco.
There's not even a Penny Lane.
I don't even know your real name.
If I ever met a man in the real world...
who looked at me the way you just looked at me--
When and where does this '' real world'' occur?
I mean, I am really confused here. All these rules...
and all these sayings and nicknames.
Honey, you're too sweet for rock and roll.
Sweet? Where do you get off?
Where do you get sweet?
I am dark and mysterious and pissed off!.
And I could be very dangerous to all of you.
I am not sweet!
And you should know that about me. I am the Enemy!
Look, you should be happy for me.
You don't know what he says to me in private.
Maybe it is love, as much as it can be for somebody--
Who sold you to Humble Pie for 50 bucks and a case of beer?
I was there.
I was there!
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
What kind of beer?
Welcome to New York! It's okay to be nervous.
You should be nervous. All you can do is be yourself...
and leave a pint of blood on that stage.
We showed you America. We did everything but get you laid.
No. Yeah?
I'm from the Church of Lenny. We bow to his will and all it represents.
She's here.
- Can I have your autograph? - Yep.
- How you doing? -Jeffrey.
Room's fully stocked. Air-conditioning's on.
- And, by the way, you look stunning. - Thanks. See you later.
All right, bags in five!
Cars leave for the party at 6:00.
It's all happening. They're here.
Zeppelin are here. They are here.
They're at the Plaza.
Sapphire and Miss Penny Lane are there too.
They're all staying under the name Emily Rugburn.
Wait. Penny Lane is here?
- Emily Rugburn. - William Miller.
Sir, you have an urgent call.
Hello? This is Jan Winner, publisher of Rolling Stone.
Congratulations, it's gonna be a cover.
Annie Liebowitz'll shoot 'em next week in LA...
but we are gonna need you back in San Francisco tomorrow.
You can finish the story here. Okay? Talk to Ben.
You can tell the band. Alison, our fact-checker, needs you to transmit...
whatever you have of the story tonight, now, along with your notes.
There's a mojo at the Daily News they'll let us use.
A mojo?
A mojo. It's a very modern machine that transmits pages over the telephone.
It only takes 1 8 minutes a page.
Guys, I have some good news.
- I don't know why every time I'm here-- - Guys!
What's the problem? I subscribe to the magazine.
Fish.
You're gonna be on the cover of Rolling Stone.
Are you serious?
The cover of Rolling Stone.
And we made it together.
- And they don’t just put somebody... - Thanks a lot.
with one little hit on the cover of Rolling Stone...
fucking magazine, man!
Damn it, I'm gonna enjoy this. When I first bought the magazine...
the Beatles were on the cover.
The Beatles. Four of them, four of us.
We take all kind of pills that give us all kind of thrills
But the thrill we never know was the thrill that'll get you
When you get your picture on the cover of Rolling Stone
Wanna see my picture on the cover
Gonna buy five copies for my mother
Wanna see my smiling face on the cover
Of Rolling Stone
Thank you!
Who is that girl? She's creeping me out.
She's not with any of you guys, is she?
- Yeah, she's with me. - She's with me.
So, uh, who's gonna shoot it?
- I love Annie Liebowitz. - Real impressive.
I love Annie's stuff. She does great stuff.
I am no good at good-byes.
And you...
are the last of my...
old-time friends.
Polexia--
Polexia went to England with Deep Purple.
Can you believe that?
Even Sapphire went someplace else.
All she left was her Quaaludes.
Oh, wonderful.
Where's Beth?
Where are all my friends?
Front desk? Could you please send a doctor?
Room 537.
- Penny, get up! - I'm up.
My wife's had an accident with some Quaaludes.
- So tired. - You gotta get up, Penny.
- Penny, get up. Get up. - I'm so--
You know that. You know that I'm retired.
Always been. Am retired, and I'm tired.
-Jane Abbott. - Missjane Abbott.
Congratulations!
Miss Judy Stanton.
Congratulations.
- Raymond Sanchez. - Mr. Raymond Sanchez.
- As time goes on - Seats and tray tables.
Seat back and tray tables locked.
And our pending graduate, William Miller, not present.
Why doesn't he love me?
And to the class of1973...
we say, don't forget to remember yourselves as you are today.'
full of hope and the dream...
- that everything is possible. - Penny, no!
- Wake up! - And remember this...
- I'm up. - 20years from now.
Well, now that I have your attention...
I know you've heard this before, and I've never said this to anybody.
Well, nobody who didn't legally have to say it back to me.
But--
Oh, God, why am I so nervous?
You'll never remember this.
I love you...
and I'm about to boldly go where...
many men have gone before.
Okay, what do we got here? What's her name?
Okay, sweetheart, sit up, sit up, sit up, sit up.
-Good girl. What'd you take, sweetheart? -I'll get her legs.
- What did you take? - Okay.
-What did you take, sweetheart? Come on. -I don't know.
Yes, you do. Tell us what you took.
Emily, we're gonna have to pump your stomach, okay?
- Emily, wake up. - We got the tubes. Here we go. Water.
All right, now, you're gonna have to swallow this tube.
All right? Open, open, open.
- All right, come on. - Don't bite us. We're trying to help.
- Relax. - Come on, swallow. Swallow.
- Come on. I know, I know. - We're trying to help you.
Swallow this down. No, don't bite on it. Don't bite.
Swallow. Emily, come on. Swallow.
-just relax. Got it. - Very good.
There we go. All done.
All done. There.
Now we gotta-- Come on.
Feed some liquid into your stomach.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is...
I've done twice the things I said I've done.
What about your mom?
She always said, '' Marry up.
Marry someone grand.''
And that's why she named me '' Lady.''
She named you '' Lady'' ?
Lady Goodman.
Lady Goodman-- that's great.
Now you know all my secrets. You've got me.
See you back in the real world.
Thank you, William Miller.
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Eastern Airlines nonstop service...
to San Diego.
In preparation for our departure today...
we'd like to ask, please, that you extinguish all flammable items...
and do return all seats and tray tables to their full--
May I have your attention, please?
...that your seatbelts are securely fastened.
And do make note of the emergency exits.
Why didn't you come back to the party last night? Bob Dylan showed up.
He was sitting at our table for what had to be an hour or something, right, Dick?
- Yeah. -just rapping.
Bob Dylan at our fucking table. I was looking for you.
- I was gonna introduce you. - What happened to you last night?
It's a long story.
Peggy Sue, Peggy Sue
Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty Peggy Sue
Hi, this is Craig, your pilot.
It appears we've caught the edge of that electrical storm...
- we were trying to outrun. - Oh, my God.
- Electrical storm? - So buckle up tight now.
- We 're gonna do our best here. - Rock and roll.
We shouldn't be here.
- Oh, my God! - Whoa, baby!
Doris, we miss you!
All right, listen. We're gonna try and land in Tupelo.
- We found a field to land in. - A field?
I can't breathe, man.
It's gonna be kind of a rough set-down, but we should be fine.
just hang in there, and we'll get you out of this.
Everyone says it's so glamorous out here.
- He just told us we're gonna die. - We're gonna die?
...Thy will be done on Earth--
I'm trying to maintain, but the fucking thing won't--
Oh, my God!
If something should happen-- Maybe I never said this enough.
I love all of you.
I once hit a man in Dearborn, Michigan. A hit and run.
I hit him and just kept on going. I don't know if he's alive or dead...
but I'm sorry.
Not a day goes by I don't see his face.
Oh, my God!
Look, I love you all too. You're like a family to me.
Especially since Marna left me. And listen, fellas...
I just want you to know, if I took an extra dollar or two here and there...
it's because I knew I'd earned it.
- Yeah. I slept with Marna, Dick. - I did too.
I waited until you broke up with her, but me too.
I also slept with Leslie, when you were fighting.
- You slept with Jeff? - Yeah, but it didn't count.
It was the summer we decided to be free of all rules.
And you say you love me!
I don't love you, man. I never did.
None of us love you.
You act above us. You always have.
Finally, the truth.
You just held it over us, like you might leave.
Like we're lucky to be with you. And we had to live with it, man.
I had to live with you.
And now I might die with you, and it's not fucking fair.
Please, enough!
And I'm still in love with you, Leslie.
Oh, I don't wanna hear any more. Shut up, Jeffrey!
- It's all happening. - What the fuck!
- Whatever happens, Bebe, you're dead. - Don't be self-righteous, Russell.
Not now, man.
You were sleeping with Penny, that fucking groupie...
last summer up until yesterday.
Why don't you tell Leslie that?
- Shut up! - I quit!
- I'm gonna kill you! - I quit!
''That groupie'' ?
She was a Band Aid. All she did was love your band.
And you all used her.
All of you. You used her and threw her away.
She almost died last night while you were with Bob Dylan.
You guys, you're always talking about the fans, the fans, the fans.
She was your biggest fan.
And you threw her away.
And if you can't see that, that's your biggest problem.
And I love her! I love her!
Fuck it!
I'm-- I'm gay!
Thank God, we're alive! We're alive! We're gonna make it!
- We're out of the clear now. - Sweet relief!.
Sweet life! Hallelujah, dear God!
We made it. We're alive.
Write what you want.
You're William Miller?
- Yep. - Oh, baby.
Didn't anything happen? I mean, after $600 in room-service bills?
Didn't you get anything on tape with Russell Hammond?
And where were you in this piece? What did you wanna write?
Because this reads like what they wanted you to write.
You obviously saw more than you wrote about.
- Something must have happened. - Let's push up Flippo's Who cover.
Good, 'cause it's gonna take me three days to get through this research.
It's all handwritten on little bits of paper.
- It's a puff-piece. - They refer to the women as ''chicks.''
-As a woman, I have a problem with that. -You want 'em to like you.
- I know it's a side issue. - It happens.
- It's embarrassing. - Ben! You told me to send what I had.
It's not finished. Give me tonight to work on it.
Oh, man, you made friends with 'em.
See, friendship is the booze they feed you...
'cause they want you to get drunk and feel like you belong.
Well, it was fun.
Because they make you feel cool.
- And, hey, I met you. You are not cool. - I know.
Even when I thought I was, I knew I wasn't.
Because we are uncool.
While women will always be a problem for guys like us...
most of the great art in the world is about that very problem.
Good-looking people-- they got no spine.
Their art never lasts.
They get the girls, but we're smarter.
- Yeah, I can really see that now. - Yeah, 'cause great artist about...
you know, guilt and longing...
and, you know, love disguised as sex...
and sex disguised as love.
Hey, let's face it. You got a big head start.
I'm glad you were home.
I'm always home. I'm uncool.
- Me too. - You're doing great, you know?
The only true currency in this bankrupt world...
is what you share with someone else when you're uncool.
Listen, my advice to you--
and I know you think these guys are your friends--
if you wanna be a true friend to them...
be honest and unmerciful.
'' I'm flying high over Tupelo, Mississippi...
with America's hottest band...
and we're all about to die.''
- Dark, lively. - Yeah, yeah, and it gets better.
- Did this all really happen? - I'll call and check the quotes.
Holy shit! I just got off the phone with Rolling Stone.
They called me too. What's he using?
All-- he's using it all. This, according to the ''fact-checker.''
So what?
''So what'' ? We come off like amateurs...
some average band trying to come to grips with success...
jealous and fighting and breaking up.
We're buffoons.
'' Rock and roll can save the world'' ?
''The chicks are great'' ? I sound like a dick.
- You are a dick. - I never said that.
Maybe we just don't see ourselves the way we really are.
Is it that hard to make us look cool?
This kid has you on acid screaming, '' I'm a golden god'' from a fan's rooftop.
They used him to fuck us. They'll probably just put you on the cover.
Wait. I never said, '' I'm a golden god.''
Or did I ?
He was never a person. He was a journalist!
It's phenomenal, William, to be quite honest with you.
It's sophisticated, intelligent. We only had to cut out a couple of grafs.
Jeff Bebe's mother already sent over a whole shoe box full of childhood photos.
- She did? - But it's really gonna look fantastic.
The band just denied 90 percent of the story. It's a fabrication.
You weren't honest. And worse, you wasted our time.
Did you talk to Russell Hammond?
Russell Hammond is the one who denied it.
- Now wait a second. - Denied it.
We're going with The Who. Manuscript's in my office.
He's just some fan. What do you expect?
So, anyway, put those two pieces--
Wait!
You guys, this is my brother.
- Nice to finally meet you. - You have a good day.
You guys, I'll deadhead back later.
I think I'm needed.
I'll see you.
You look awful, but it's great.
You're living your life.
You're free of Mom.
Hey, I'll take off work.
Let's have an adventure together-- you and me-- finally.
Anywhere you wanna go, anywhere in the world.
This is not my idea of a good time.
-just get me to my bed. - I'll deal with her.
I forgive you.
I didn't apologize.
I am out of here.
- Hey, Sapphire. - Hey, boy.
- I hate good-byes. - Me too.
Is Penny okay?
The Quaaludes incident? Well, it wasn't pretty.
She could've died.
You know, I always told her not to let too many guys fall in love with her.
I guess I was wrong. One of them ended up saving her life.
What do you care? I mean, we all know what you did to him.
I mean, everybody knows.
Even Penny Lane.
How you doing?
Can you believe these new girls?
None of them use birth control, and they eat all the steak.
I mean, they don't even know what it is to be a fan.
You know, to truly love some silly little piece of music, or some band...
so much that it hurts.
It's Russell. Don’t hang up.
I can’t really talk right now. I'm in a room full of people.
Actually, I'm alone.
I won't call again, I promise.
But I need to see you face to face...
because I'm never as good as when you’re there...
and I can see myself the way you look at me.
And I'm sorry. If we could just get together and find some time to talk.
Let's say all the things we never said.
Give me your address.
I'm coming to you...
this time.
Got a pen?
I'm Russell Hammond.
So this is the famous Russell Hammond.
Come in.
- Is she home? - Who? Anita?
- Where am I ? - Hello?
You know, when we spoke, I felt that we connected.
Oh, man.
My son is very important to me too...
and I do think you owe him an apology.
- I appreciate you showing up. - No, no, I agree...
ma'am.
There's hope for you yet, Russell.
Well--
So this is... where the Enemy sleeps.
You know, I think we both wanted to-- to be with her.
And she wanted us to be together.
You should give her a call.
You both live in the same city.
- You really think I should? - Yeah.
That girl really cares about you.
Man, I never even knew her real name.
Oh, I called your magazine...
and told them the truth.
I don't know what they're gonna do with it...
but I told them every word you wrote was true.
We are gonna do this one more time.
So, Russell...
what do you love about music?
To begin with...
everything.
- Tickets! - How much?
Morocco. Seat by the window, please.